Updated: Jun 23
"even though i strongly believe a good majority of the "vision" has to be kept between the collective (due to the society we exist in) in 2020 i vowed to be more transparent in order for people to understand what "chainges" is all about." -Desirae'
a SafeSpace for you & me....
we wanted to create a platform for shared experiences.
as black Womxn our evolution is one of the most beautiful things you could know.
but as black Womxn in America, we've encountered the inJustice system enough to want to #MakeACHAiNGE in it.
& so here we are.
Our Director has scribed a few blogs up until this full circle moment and poses, "What was YEAR 25 like for you?"
feel free to use the comment box below to vent, let it out/go, comfort, empower, learn & support (about/for) ANYTHING.
you will have to "sign up", however, you are able to maintain anonymous by updating your username 💚 🔗 🤞🏾
as we continue to evolve our conversations and expand our products and services we want to make sure our supporters understand how we #makeachainge
ORIGINALLY POSTED 10.22.18
the Sehvin series: #WhyIDidntReport
I DID. but they don’t give a fxck about us.
sooo in the mix of brainstorming my life plans & celebratory projects, eye got the courage to start this series with the support of the #metoo & #whyididntreport movements yet eye still found my story wouldn’t fill those “boxes” & that more or less had everything to do with the audience— white women— eye saw it uplifted. eyem sure Black women stories are intertwined too but overall it just didn’t settle & so although eye still wanted to share my story it would be how eye wanted where eye wanted... my safe place ; my mind. my journal. eye listened to Jessica Lanyadoo’s Ghost of a Podcast episode 3 i believe on how to deal with fear & anxiety & started to re-examine the situation that had a very lasting effect on my life. —— eye started “dating” the person who eye had became pregnant by shortly after my 25th Solar Return; Oct 15th would be the last time we spoke due to health implications and a blind-sighted attack from his ex/still possible girlfriend. we wouldn’t speak again until late Nov 1 after eye had stared at a positive pregnancy test for hours, and decided the “grown people” thing to do was speak in person about what our next steps would be... at that point eye had no reason to think or believe my life or body was in danger; that by even then allowing a face to face conversation to happen eye didn’t think that would symbolize a desire to rekindle something that never existed... that it was even humanly capable to violate someone with no remorse or fear in the chance of being seen in the act.
“NO. NO. My cousin is upstairs!” Fighting unwanted lips & fingers off MY vagina and MY body. Angry the purpose, my purpose was being thrown to the wayside, oblivious my 103 lb body would be next. NUMB
eye honestly can’t go through the entire motions without questioning it how the masses did afterward... without seeing it as if eye did something wrong. eye did not call 911 immediately out of shock; my senses didn’t register until my follow up doctor's appointment that Friday for Oct 15ths disruption and eye can say eyem confident they probably wouldn’t had eye not had it. eye don’t know who or why eye was trying to be that dxmn strong, it makes me giggle sometimes now to think.
but eyem very clear that regardless of when a person reports, that should have no effect on the severity of the crime. & it should most certainly not be until investigators find the abuser has been arrested multiple times before for the same crime, that your word is sorta taken for fact. and in no journey on life, would the “justice system” be so ridiculously sloppy in protecting a victim during an active investigation, the abuser has an opportunity to stalk and approach the victim in a public space (on store surveillance not sought after days after reporting) and harass multiple times after still leading to no conviction. —— 4 MONTHS LATER “well maybe if you get the flight attendant job, you’ll move and can forget any of this ever happened” said the women at the office where you seek restraining orders. lmao [NOW] .... my hopes were high, i had “purpose” again i could “feel” again but not in my way. i didnt get the job. i felt like a failure. i felt i was being punished & had to stay to deal, but i didn’t.
i was still NUMB. it’s been many occasions i try to look for throwback pictures of what i was doing during this time, I’ve been amazed that I hosted 4 nonprofit events during the beginning of this entire ordeal unbeknownst to my blessing smdh even my smile has chainged, but that promise to Sehvin still stands and here eye am 💛 3 years later stronger and coming to terms with so much more in store & so much more healing to do for us both, eye give infinite thankhs asé
the Sehvin series: infinite thankhs
you see the old way wasn't workin' / so it's on us to do what we gotta do to survive. PAC appreciation is one thing. acceptance is another. together; wow step back and enjoy magic in your adult life.
the entire situation— being violated by human, toyed with by “law enforcement”, lost by self— will forever make me 😷 but today especially (american thanksgiving holiday) ive gained a lot more gratitude and love for a void that ive committed to properly nourishing; today of all days really emphasized why CHAINGES are my life’s work.... there’s so much pain and healing to do at my table; a lot of grief and grudges and excuses instead of solutions, i love y’all but i won’t accept that in my space and THATS not disrespectful.
i am the aunt to two, DeltaAunt to almost 3, godmother to 1, godAunt to a few, favorite cousin to many, mentor to lots— i dont think i needed to “have” my child to qualify as a mother 🤷🏾♀️
the decision to abort my child has created a confidence in myself that no other human could alter. the decision i made to seek professional counseling solidified my ability to love myself and thus am not a catalyst for bad or negative energy. the decision to #MakeACHAINGE will be felt for generations to come; i owe my legacy that ( and while i would love to insert here why our parent elders have insightfully failed us we’ll touch on that soon enough ) . the decision to Face the World and fulfill my promise has been more rewarding and comforting than i could see in that darkness. to my SiStars who still struggle with their abortions i got you, im here let’s heal 🤗 since starting my Angel Therapy course this summer I’ve been welcomed into a new; I’ve been given confirmation that Sehvin is still with me AND growing (ask me about the 646 story) and I must continue to; 3 years later im letting that narrative go, im embracing the love my inner child gives me. eyem applauding my perseverance 🙌🏾 the graciousness bestowed on my life in continuous uprising, to secure my foundation and root all my desires from my truest self wow. eye. am. blessed. and the things i get to share with the world from my blessons mean everything to me
im really interesting in hosting a end of year healing gathering with ladies in various cities, ideally a Spring/Summer retreat; if interested drop a comment below [with 💛] ‼️